What She Says... The Sequel

*****

Baby girl, you were sick last weekend with the flu.

I came into your room to check on you at around midnight when I was going to bed. All I needed to do was touch your skin to know that something wasn't right- you felt like a little furnace, just kicking heat off your body towards me in waves. I pulled you out of bed and brought you in to our room, so you could sleep next to me and I could keep an eye on you. Of course, this woke you up, and you became a little chatterbox- "Mama, it's dark in here."

Me: "Yes honey, it is dark. That's because it's late and it's night-night time. Let's go to sleep now."

You: "Where's Dada?"

Me: "Right there next to you..."

You: "Is Dada sleeping?"

Me: "He's trying to, babe... Now shhh... Gotta be quiet now. It's bedtime."

*car drives by outside* You: "What was that noise?"

Me: "It was a car honey. Now, shh... Or you'll have to go sleep in your bed."

You: "I wanna sleep in my bed."

Me: "You do?"

You: "No, I wanna sleep in Mommy and Daddy's bed."

Me: "Okay, ni-night, now."

*a minute later*

You: "I wanna sleep in my bed."

Me: "Okay, honey, let's go."

I picked you up, and as we were walking back to your room, you started spewing. Everywhere. On the floor, on me, in my hair, on your clothes... Then you wiped your face, and got it in YOUR hair and all over your face.

When you get sick, you like to think that if you could just go back to whatever the situation was BEFORE you threw up- in this case, laying in bed- that you won't be sick anymore. So when you threw up on me at what was by then around 1 AM, you looked at me with your shaky, burning up body and your pitiful little puke face and said "I wanna go to sleep, Momma."

Me: "I know honey, but we need to take a shower and get these yuckies off us."

You: "NO! I wanna go to sleep!"

It breaks my heart when you feel bad like this, and I know all I can do is try to make you as comfortable as possible and then wait things out. Needless to say, I did get you in the shower and cleaned us both up. Your dad, who had been charged with cleaning the floor-splashed puke, was waiting to hug you when you came out:

Dada: "Oh, honey... You feel yucky, huh?"

You: *giving him the hairy eyeball* "Dada, I not yucky... I sick!"

Side note unrelated to what you said about the experience: The one thing you like about being sick? Eating popsicles for breakfast. :)

*****

This is one of your latest tactics in trying to get what you want:

You: "Mama, I want to go outside."

Me: "No honey, not right now... Momma is making dinner, and we are going to eat soon."

You: "Mama, I want to go OUTSIDE."

Me: "No, honey, not right now."

You: "Don't say no, Mama. Don't say no. I want to go outside."

Me: "I'm sorry honey, but the answer is no right now."

You: Stomping and screeching at the top of your lungs- "DON'T SAY NO!! DON'T SAY NOOOOO!"

... I have to wonder if you somehow telepathically read my recent "Yes" post. :)

*****

Out of the blue- You: "Dada... We don't eat dog poop. We don't eat dog poop."

*****

There is a new baby at your daycare who is only 3 months old. Carol, your sitter, had set him down in his seat to go do something, and told all the kids to leave him alone. Well, a couple of the other kids went over and were bugging him, so she went to correct them and raised her voice.

You looked at her straight in the eye and said: "Carol! Don't talk so loud!"

*****

Rose-Colored Glasses

Some people think that seeing the world through rose-colored glasses is naive, futile, ridiculous... That it's only ignoring an inevitable downfall and falsely wishing that nothing bad will ever happen.

Me? I think that focusing on the positive allows you to take life in stride- with a grain of salt- and just keep on moving. I've always been able to see that light on the horizon, even when things got sticky. I've always believed that things will continue to improve, as long as we continue make the choices that we think are right for ourselves.

On the rare hard days, loving my life is a conscious choice... A step back, assess the situation, breathe and believe. Start again. Trust.

But more often than not, it just comes naturally. How could I not love something that provided me with this- the most beautiful, rose-colored-glasses-wearing, spunky, smart princess? How could I not enjoy my time here, with the people I love, as much as humanly possible? How could I not focus on the good?

No matter what life throws at me right now, I have her. And that is enough. And that makes me happy.

Bitchiness and the "Yes"

I'm just going to out and say it.

I'm not gonna lie, I've been bitchy this past week.

I know I have. I've noticed it myself- had to hang my head in shame and tell hubby I was sorry for being mean to him for absolutely no reason. Had to check myself when I was mad at the bitty girl for whining too much, for asking for the same thing one too many times.

Normally these things don't get to me like this. Normally, it's easy to deal with, let it roll off my back, ignore the repeated question girlie asks that I've already answered twenty times, not snip when I have to pick up hubs' clothes from the floor directly NEXT to the hamper... Normally, these things are normal occurrences, and I am aware of this, and let it go. Normally.

Here is what I have learned: Too much rain + PMS + A boatload of chores to do = Me being in a funk, out of my element, foggy-headed, crampy, overwhelmed by things that are usually easy to accomplish, and sometimes downright mean. I try my best not to be like this. I hate when I am like this. When I notice myself acting like this, I don't want to be around me... So I can only imagine how my family feels!

It makes me feel guilty thinking that my daughter might someday remember me being this ONE. You know... The one who snips, who scowls. I know everyone can be like this sometimes... But it makes me feel sick when I catch myself doing it. I love them so much, why would I be mean, treat them badly simply because I am in a bad mood?

I just have to hope that all the good memories Ilyana has with me will outweigh these crabby-ass days when she looks back someday. I hope they do. I'm pretty sure they do, but then, I guess we never really know how other people see us- and how they perceive that we treat them- because we're not on the receiving end there. So all I can do is hope. And try to change my behavior...

I stumbled across a post today over at We Are THAT Family called, simply, "Yes". It sort of reminded me of that movie that just came out recently, "Yes Man"... She was talking about how her friend gave herself a personal challenge this summer to say "Yes" as much as she could, and how Kristin (the great blogger at We Are THAT Family) took the challenge on, too. I think I might have to hop on that bandwagon and try to say "yes" more.... Or at the very least, take notice of how much I am saying "Yes" vs. "No".

I mentioned in the comments there that I feel like sometimes I say no simply because I always have that to-do list running through my head, and more times than not, saying "Yes" just adds one more thing to the bottom... So it's a selfish motivation to say no, to avoid the cleanup, the mess, the "bother" of yes. What I don't take into account when I am saying no is that I'm also avoiding the fun, the learning, the enjoyment, the EXPERIENCE that could have been had I just sucked it up, given in, said yes, reveled in the moment- and yes, even later, picked it up.

I'm not great at saying yes, especially when it deviates from what I had planned, organized, thought out in my head to do already... Especially when I am crabby, especially when I am in a funk-a-dunk-dunk. But I am going to try more. I am going to take a deep breath, think things through, and try to say "Yes". Why not? What can it hurt?

I am going to try and consider how my words and actions will affect the people I love, the people around me, BEFORE I say or do them. I am going to put my daughter back in the first- most important- spot... from which she never really left, but I have been overlooking it this week in my crankiness and effort to just get things done so I could chill and wallow in my own shit.

I'm not even sure how cohesive this post is- it's sort of just an amalgam of all that was running through my mind today- frustration with myself, introspective reflection upon reading the "Yes" post, guilt that I have let this shadow creep on me and affect my peeps- especially my one, very little, very special peep. Because she never deserves that. And I want to be the "Yes" Mom, the fun one, the one who picks the right battles to fight (only the ones that truly matter), the one who makes you happy and takes away your hurts and doesn't growl or scowl or snip out of frustration when you are just being a kid. I looked at myself today for a moment and I did not like what I saw.

To this, I say- "Out, out, damned PMS!! Out, out, bad weather!!" I want my normal self back, and I'm willing to bet my hubby and daughter do, too.

Wordless Wednesdays #26- A Tomato A Day... ??

You can see other people's entries, or join in the fun, at THIS site!

Rainy Days...

Good Morning, my Ruggle!

Today is just one of those days. One of those gray, rainy, gloomy, drab, boring days. When I woke up this morning I first noticed that the sun was not glaring into my eyes as per usual- then I heard that telltale pitter patter outside. I love that sound, absolutely love it. Especially when I go to bed- it's nature's lullaby :)

However, a lullaby is not exactly what you're looking for when you're trying to drrrraaaagggg yourself out of bed. We ended up hitting the snooze button and getting up later than usual. I felt foggy and half awake all morning... When you woke up, you didn't want to go to daycare, either. You just kept telling me "No, Momma, I wanna stay home." I wish we could have! These types of days are perfect for lounging around, snuggling, and reading books.

Since we were running behind I didn't pack my lunch (I'll buy today) and we forgot your chocolate milk at home! You were heartbroken. I always feel bad when I leave your drink behind... I imagine what I would feel like if someone else was in charge of my beverage and forgot. I mean, we remembered our own coffees (of course)! We apologized, but you didn't say it was okay. Instead you just glared at us. I don't blame you.

I can't wait to come and pick you up- to see your face light up as your run over to give me and Dada a big hug and say "Momma! Dada! You're HERE!" :) Picking you up is always one of my favorite parts of the day... That hug is the best. I always miss you, and it makes me glow that you get so excited when we come to get you.

Days like this always pass so slowly, don't they, ruggle? But they also make me feel calm, for some reason. I guess it's that same old fact- the beautiful, good days just wouldn't be the same if we didn't have the yucky, ucky wet ones to balance it out. Days like today make me think of the things I'm grateful for...

You had a couple of head bonk incidents this weekend that both landed in the same place... so you ended up pretty swollen, and I was worried. I went in late to work yesterday so that I could call the doctor, and take you in to see her if necessary. Luckily they just asked some questions and then told me you sounded like you were fine, and I could give you tylenol and ice it and then see where you were at. Just the thought of you being hurt badly scares me so much, I don't know what I would do if it ever came down to a serious injury... I guess I just hope your Daddy would be around to be level-headed, because I get so flustered and worried! So yesterday, after speaking with the nurse, I looked at you with your swollen face and your big smile, and my heart just swelled with happiness... I said to you, "I love you so much, girl"... And you looked at me, and you know what you said?

You said "Thank you."

So I asked, "For what, honey?"

"Thank you for loving me, Momma."

No, little girl... Thank YOU for loving me. It's the greatest gift I've ever been given. I'm so grateful.

Holy Schnikes Batman! Featuriffic!

I opened my email this morning and a message from NewParent.com caught my eye.

NewParent is a wonderful website I stumbled on a while back. It's for parents or parents-to-be of babies and toddlers. They have some great expert advice, parenting blogs, giveaways, coupons, recipes, and a wonderful community of other parents you can communicate with. There is also a baby of the week section where people can enter their children to be the star of the week : )

I was curious to see what they had to say, so I clicked and started reading:

"Hey Jaden,


How are you? Just wanted to let you know that your blog is listed on
NewParent.com under: “Around the Web" here is the link in case you want to
enjoy your fame and show off to your readers : )"


For real? For really real? I'm featured?!

HELLO, of COURSE I want to show off! Yippppeeeee! :D This is me doing the: I got featured! dance:

Well... That is, if I was an adorable, skinny asian lady.

Now then, without further adieu, HERE is the link to the page with this lil' ol' blog's name on it!

And in case you missed it the first time- HERE it is again. ;)

Who me? Nah, I'm not excited. What makes you think that? *grin*

So THANK YOU to NewParent for the ego boost on this lovely Friday morning.

Oh, and if you do click over- you should check out some of the other featured blogs. There are some really great ones on there.

Happy FEATURED Friday! hee.

ETA: Apparently, my little lady gif does not want to dance. But I'm keeping her up anyway as a visual aid. :)

Life Goes On...

I haven't had a lot to say here in the past week or so. I don't know what's been up, I guess I've just been in a bit of a writing funk... But I did want to post a quick note to you, Bendy Ruggle, about some of the things we've been up to lately.

*****

Your Dad's old friend Duncan is visiting NH from Hawaii right now, so last weekend we went down and picked him up to hang out for a while. He was amazed at how smart you are! You warmed right up to him and let him push you on the swing :) We hope to eventually be able to visit him in beautiful paradise- it would be the first time we ever got to see it in person, and I know you would just love the big flowers, beautiful weather, and fresh fruit!

*****

We also planted some herbs in our pots on the porch last weekend- you are such a good helper! You wore the gardening gloves, put the dirt in the pots with me, and also helped me spread the seeds. The bulbs we planted about two weeks ago are starting to sprout through the ground, and you love counting them with me when we go home and helping to water them. I admit, I'm pretty excited, too! I usually have a black thumb that kills everything, but my plants this year are doing surprisingly well. I think it might be because I have a little helper with the magic touch ;)

*****

The past few days you have started telling us knock-knock jokes, which is pretty hilarious. The funny thing about it is that you don't really *get* that jokes have punchlines. I think that some of the kids at daycare must have been telling these jokes and you picked up the beginning of the jokes from them. So you would start by saying "Knock knock" but then when one of us would answer "Who's there?" you would just seem puzzled and say "Knock Knock" again! I tried telling you a couple of the old ones I remember (banana, banana, banana, banana, ORANGE you glad I didn't say banana? AND boo, boo who? Don't cry, it's only a joke!) and of course you didn't get them, but at least now you TRY with the punchlines. Your latest joke goes something like this:

Bend: Knock Knock!
Mama: Who's There?
Bend: Ilyana is orange banana! *giggles maniacally*
Mama: *giggling too* Ilyana the orange banana who?
Bend: Knock Knock!

*****

Today is your Mommy and Daddy's NINE YEAR anniversary. Nine years that we've been together... Nine years since the day your Uncle Mitchie snuck up the stairs to my room and said sheepishly "Mom wants to know if you guys are going out yet." Nine years since your Daddy looked at me and said "Well, do you want to?" and totally caught me off guard. Nine years since I said yes. Nine years we've been loving each other, struggling through the tough times and sticking it out, nine years we've been leaning on each other, and sometimes fighting with each other but always knowing in the end what matters. Nine years, and I wouldn't have it any other way. Our dreams have started to come true the past few years, with you finally arriving and making this a family.

Nine years, and life goes on... Even when sometimes your Momma can't think of anything great to say about it.