An Open Letter to My (Not So) Baby Girl

Ilyana:
Ever since your birthday on May 9th, you look so big to me. It's like overnight, my little squishy baby girl has vanished. Now, I know that's not the case, but prior to your third birthday, you still seemed to me like a toddler... You were still loving Dora, still needed help with your shoes, and didn't go to the potty all by yourself. You turned three, and overnight, it's like BAM! Here's this little girl that tells me stories and runs around and goes pee all alone and can put on her OWN shoes (all the while asking "are these the right feet, Momma?") and is actually BIGGER than some of the other kids, and shows them how to play and much prefers Chowder to Dora (oh thank GOD! I like Chowder, and those freakin' Dora songs were getting really old). She helps with the dog, she doesn't like brushing her teeth or hair (don't worry hon, we make you do it anyway... pure torture, I know), and she has LOTS and LOTS of opinions about everything and isn't afraid to express them. You are becoming a girl.

It breaks my heart and makes me proud and shakes me to the core than I helped create this AWEsome (in the true sense of the word, not like the, "totally, cool man" way) person that I just know will keep blowing me away as the years go on. You are so beautiful, ridiculously smart, and a hilarious little joke-cracker. You are incredibly empathetic and sensitive at times... You can always tell when me or your Daddy is feeling down in the dumps and you never fail to find a way to make it better, whether it be with a hug or a compliment ("Daddy, you're a good guy"... "You're so BEAUTIFUL Mommy!") or just a snuggle and a big belly laugh. It's so odd to be in this position; I feel like I'm mourning the loss of my little baby, and YET, and yet... I want to freeze you in time today, because what you are today is more amazing than I could have ever hoped... And YET, again, I can't wait to see what you will become. I just know that as the years go by, you're going to keep surprising me and making me feel like the luckiest Momma around.

You love playing at the park, running around outside, watching movies, your doggie Deuce dingle (or as you call him, "Buddy"), your family, your cupcake blankie, and shopping (just like your mom...). You aren't afraid to approach any and everyone you meet, so you make friends pretty much wherever we go. You have an elephant's memory (something Cey-Cey used to always say to me when I was little!!) and can recall even the smallest details about things we did months ago. You pick up colloquialisms from us very easily and will pull them out at the most unexpected times for a good laugh ("Mommy, why do some dogs poop?" ... "All dogs poop, honey, just like people." ..."You're KIDDING me, Momma! You're just joking!" as you wave your hand in a dismissive manner)... We've been really careful what we say around you lately because you're SO verbal and smart that I know if we slip up, you'll be dropping an F-bomb at a really inconvenient time!

Lately, you've been going through a phase where it seems like every. little. thing. is a battle. You HAVE to argue about what you wear, how long we play outside, whether or not you go to daycare, when you go to bed, whether you shower or not, brushing your hair/ teeth, what we listen to in the car, etc. etc. You yell at the top of your lungs whenever I'm on the phone in the car (simply because you don't like that I'm not paying attention to YOU right then) and you screech when we sing a song you don't like. Everyone always talks about the "terrible twos" but you were a peach when you were two... I can tell our real challenge is going to be this year of three- now that you know what you want and you want it NOW and you are willing to fight for it. It's exhausting, and I feel like some days, all I say is "No!", "Not now..." "Stop that!" or "Come here Ilyana!" which makes me feel like the evil Mom of the year... But in truth, even on days when I heave a big sigh of relief at your bedtime, I'm still so proud that you are growing into an independent, crazy-haired smart little cookie. I wouldn't trade your strong will or fiery nature for anything- it's who you are and even when it's hard, I love you for it. I want you to know that every day, I wake up and thank my lucky stars that I have this healthy, gorgeous, loving little girl to call my own. When you were in my belly, I never could have imagined just how much you'd change our lives and make us grow, or just how much I could possibly love you. I thought I loved you then, before you were born... And I know I did, but it baffles me that the love I felt could just grow and grow and grow over these past three years. How is that possible? I don't know what I would do without you, my little princess, Bendy Ruggle, Lulu the ladybug, snug-bug-rugg, widgeon, noodle nose, pinchy-bum girl. Thanks for being in my life, and for making me so proud. I never could have hoped for more.

All the love in the world,

~~Your crazy Mumma~~

Ilyana Turns Three at Chuck E Cheese's!

Better late than never!

I had been warned about doing the whole birthday at Chuck E's thing by others in the past... About how they rush you off your table, and it costs an arm and a leg, and the kids get overwhelmed, yadda yadda yadda. The thing is, growing up, my Mom used to take my brother and I to Chuck E Cheese almost every Friday, so for me, it's a place of happy memories, of fun and games and food and laughter. Sure, it's loud, and obnoxious, and LOUD, and I know that by the end of the visit, we'll all feel like zombies... But that's all part and partial to the experience, right?! Right. So we figured that while Ilyana is at the age that she truly enjoys the experience, and gets SUPERTHRILLED over it, and actually BELIEVES that Chuck E is a for-real, life-size giant mouse who only wants to party and get down and celebrate with you, we'd take advantage of that bit of innocence and let her have her Chuck E party. So we did. And overall, it didn't disappoint. 

There was dancing (this was in front of a screen that projects you onto some TV's above your head for everyone in the place to watch you)

And eating...

Owen, Dru and Jack enjoying some pizza!

 

Mitch, Bobby and Lizzie having lunch!

There were lots of rides, games and a jungle gym:

The boys (Bobby, Jack, Mitch, Owen) all lined up playing skee-ball together! Love this pic!

Jack and Dru in the crazy jungle gym tube cage thing! Jack doesn't look happy or anything, does he?! lol!

And okay, one ride in particular that was VERY popular with the birthday girl. I'm pretty sure everyone at the party took her on this Merry-Go-Round at LEAST once ;)

FYI: the "Mare-Go-Round" as Illy calls it, is a great spot for candid shots :D

And of course, we had cake! The recipe came out pretty good, which I was nervous about since it was my first time making it... But she loved it, and I got compliments from others too. Gotta love Allrecipes! It's my go-to and it never disappoints with new yumalicious-ness. ;)

 Birthday girl and her cake!! 

Birthday girl, Mama Rugg (me), purty party cake... and annoying balloon string which ruined a perfectly awesome picture! GRR!!

Me and Will singing **HAPPY BIRTHDAY** to our little princess, barely believing she's already THREE!!

There were presents galore...

And Zhu-Zhus up the wazoo! We have a whole Zhu Zhu empire now. Great marketing on those things, the way they sell kids on this glorified cat toy and then have you buy all the parts separately. lol. I knew we'd be getting into those fadd-ish multi-part toys eventually, but who knew it would come so fast?! It seems like it's only been overnight since she was just my little widgeon... *sigh* And yes, I do call her my widgeon. I make no apologies. ;)

Ilyana was bowled over in anticipation waiting to see the Chuckster himself... He came out, and they hugged, and it was incredible to see the awe in her eyes and the happiness thinking that he cared about her lil' ol' birthday! 

Waiting in anticipation with her puffy *birthday girl* token hat on... Here he comes! I can see him Mommy!!

Oh, Chuck! Where have you been all my life?!

Now do you see why we had to do the party here this year? Her face says it all. Pure elation.

But the one thing that we had most of at the party this year, as with any birthday with our incredible family, was... 

Love.

Lots of it.

Owen and the Illmaster.

Nana, enjoying watching the kids play and have fun! :)

The guys! L to R: Will, Mitch, Bobby, and Matt. Another good pic!

While it wouldn't be my first choice for a party in the future, for all the reasons I was originally warned about (the bill does add up, and they definitely don't give you enough table time), I'm so glad we gave her the chance to enjoy the Chuck E birthday experience this year. She really had a blast, and everyone else seemed to have fun, too. For me, that's what it was all about... My heart and soul was turning three... Three?! THREE!!!  And I wanted her to truly enjoy every minute of it. I know she did. My only regret is not getting more pictures, but then again, when ISN'T that a regret of mine?! ;) 

Happy Birthday Widgeon. You light up my life.

Our Life Lately- Catching Up

A couple of photos taken in November 09 (yes I am behind!) the night we were putting up our Christmas tree.

I have been horrible about updating the blog and taking photos lately. The other day, Bendy, you looked at me and you looked like such a girl... Not a baby, not a toddler, but a girl. It makes my heart ache to think that I have only taken a few random photos in the past few months, and have missed so much I could have documented about this time in your life... but I guess all I can do is try and be better about it now that it's come to my attention.

It's been difficult lately with life flying by at its usual rapid pace, and on top of that, there are a lot of changes that may be happening in our life soon and your Daddy and I have been trying to prepare for them. With thoughts of these big upcoming shifts constantly knocking around in my head, the worrying, the stress, the wondering if everything will pan out how we hope... Well, it's been taking up a lot of space in my brain and I haven't had a lot of time to focus on other things besides work, keeping the house in order, chores, shopping, and the changes. I know I am not being specific here, but these are big changes and there isn't a lot more I can say about it here until things are finalized and I am sure what's happening. I want to be sure, and ready to take the leap, before we announce what's going on.

You have been in a bit of a mood lately, it seems like maybe the proverbial "terrible twos" are starting a little bit late for you. Or maybe, I'm hoping, it will just be a SHORT phase and only last the next few months. Whatever it is, you've been a little button-pusher lately, always testing boundaries, being bossy, not wanting to share with the other kids at daycare when you bring a toy with you, yelling and interrupting and well... TESTING. You are feeling out the boundaries for what you can get away with and what you can't, what you can control and what you can't, and whether or not you can get a different answer out of one parent than the other gave you. It's certainly trying, but then you inevitably pull out all the cuteness stops and get us right back on your side with that smirky, beautiful little smile. When I was brushing your teeth the other day, I did notice you had a molar in there that was only halfway through your mouth. I thought we were past the two year molars already (yeah, I know, shiteous parenting, I maybe should know whether or not my kiddo has all her teeth yet, but really, give me a break, she's my first and I don't know exactly how many teeth kids are supposed to get! *ahem*) but I guess I was wrong. I'm wondering if perhaps the crabbiness and bossiness has something to do with the molars...

Last weekend, during a particularly frustrating shopping trip which included you running around the grocery store like a maniac (I had let you push the mini-cart to keep you occupied, which worked out great in the beginning but backfired on me towards the end when you were too tired to listen or pay attention to where you were driving the damned thing) and rolling around on the dirty floors in front of the other customers on a SATURDAY (aka one of the busiest shopping days at the grocery store), I heaved a heavy sigh. You knew you had been bratty and you immediately knew I was just tired and on my last leg that day, and you looked up at me and said "Mommy. Look me in the eyes. I'm very worried about you, and I'm very sorry." It pretty much made me melt, and made the whole day seem a little bit better. You know just the ways to cheer me up, even when you're the source of the frustration in the first place :)

Your birthday is coming up pretty soon, and I've already booked a spot at Chuck E Cheese for the party. We haven't done one of these at-a-location shindigs yet, but you had so much fun at the last few Chuck E parties you were invited to, and enjoyed it SO much, that we thought this year would be a perfect time to try it out. I've already sent out invites and we're hoping it will be an incredible time for you. You deserve it, sweet pea. Daddy and I haven't decided yet if we are going to tell you about the party being at Chuck E's or if we'll just tell you it's your birthday but let the Chuck E part be a surprise... I wish we could know what you'd like better. Funny story: when I was turning three (I think? Mom? Is that right?) I begged for weeks to have a surprise party. I don't think I really knew what it meant, just that it would be fun and all my friends would be there, and I certainly didn't realize that asking for a surprise party kind of defeats the purpose. But Cey-Cey managed to pull it off, had sent me to Bushka's house the night before and nobody had told me it was my birthday. When Bushka brought me home and I was greeted with a loud "SURPRISEEEEE!!!" at the door by my family and friends, I was terrified! I screamed and ran and hid under the stairs in the hall in our apartment complex, and it took a lot of coaxing for Cey-Cey and Pep to get me back out. I wouldn't want to freak you out like that! So we'll definitely let you know it's your birthday... But I'm thinking you might like the special surprise of Chuck E Cheese more if we wait until we get there to let you know that's how we're going to celebrate.

I have a few new(er) pictures that I have managed to take over the past few months that I keep forgetting to upload onto the computer. I am going to try and get those up here soon because god, you are growing so fast... and I really want to keep this going so you can look back someday and see how loved you were and how much we enjoyed all of our time with you. No matter what changes we go through as a family, no matter how worried/ stressed/ preoccupied we become with other things, THAT will never change. You are the light of our life and you make me smile each and every day.

"I BE TWOS"!!

Happy Birthday to my beautiful little girl!

You bring such light and happiness to my life, I couldn't begin to thank you enough. Your giggles tickle my soul.

You are the most wonderful thing that's ever happened to me- my angel, my peanut, my ruggle, my bend. My little beansprout.

This year, we threw you two parties, so it wouldn't be as crowded as it was last year. We invited our Dads and their families on Saturday (which was your actual birthday), and our Moms and their families on Sunday, which also happened to fall on Mother's Day this year. It was great to be able to see both of our Moms on this day, for TWO most party-worthy occasions. :)

Bumpa and Nana couldn't make it on Saturday, so we started out the weekend with a visit from Pep, Grammy ("Gammy" to you right now), Nana, Uncle Dru and Uncle Jack. We spent a big part of the day outside, enjoying the nice weather and our newly green front lawn :)


You and Uncie Jack, feeling the grass on your piggies

Feels so soft, right ruggle?

Gammy gets a big ol' smooch

But then you left her in the dust to go and pick flowers for Momma.

Thanks, Bend! They are SO PRETTY! I love you!

Flowers for Nana and Gammy, too.

Peppie and Nana sitting on the porch. I just love this shot. It speaks of happiness and motherhood, which is apt, considering the holiday that was right around the corner.

You had fun opening your presents!

You can actually rip them open on your own now. I love that! But it can only mean one thing... You are getting to be a big girl now. And that stings, just a little.

**You didn't have the stamina to open them all right then, though... You waited to open most of your first batch of presents from Mommy and Daddy (I had wrapped half for the first day, half for the next) until later that night, after Cey-Cey came. You stripped down naked and ripped them open like a banshee!**

We all ate our cupcakes:



But you looked the prettiest doing it.

Then you had some more fun playing with your Uncles:


And letting them help you set up your new car track! Who says girls don't like cars?


We said our goodbyes:

You hugging it up with Pep!

And started preparing for the next day's festivities. Cey-cey came up that night to help us get ready and have some special time with you before everyone else got there.

Side note: Not only do you like to play with cars and car tracks, but you like to do it totally, BUTT NEKKID! (This is right before you decided it was time to finish opening those presents of yours!)

Better watch out for you, girl... Boys will be lining up for the girl who plays with cars naked someday, I just know it ;oP

However, you do play with it in your clothes, too. *phew*

It seems like it's one of your favorite presents, actually.

The next day, we set everything up and waited for our guests to arrive. You were VERY excited and kept saying "Is it my BIRTHDAY?! Happy birthday to you, happy birthday to ILYANNNNAAA!"

When you came down the stairs and saw the new pile of presents, you exclaimed "MORE PRESENTS!"

When everyone got there, we hung out for a while:

Cousin Kaden and Auntie Brigitte playing the Wii- you running through the frame :)

Uncle Mitchie, Cey-Cey, and the Grumps!

We played outside for a while, and you got to ride your new QUAD! Nana and Papa brought it with them- Kaden passed it on to you because he wanted you to be able to have as much fun with it as he did!! You got out to a strong start tooting around on it, and quickly picked up on the need to steer:


I couldn't believe my big girl riding a Power-Wheel type trike, all by herself! *sniffle*

You and "Gumps" playing in the front yard.

Some of the gang hanging out- L to R: Papa, Nana, Dada, Cey-Cey and Uncle Mitchie

We were having such a good time chatting, I even caught your Daddy SMILING! With the CAMERA! Shocker, I know. He never wants his picture taken, so he always makes funny faces. Not this time, Dada! This time we GOT YOU! :)

Nana doesn't like the camera, either... (Wonder if that's where Dada got it from?) I had to be sneaky getting this one- I thought for sure I had caught her smiling too, but right as I snapped the shot, she moved her hand to her mouth. Nuts!

Uncle Mitchie, squinting in the sun. He was watching you truck around on that quad. :)


Cey-cey and her amazing shade-changing glasses :) I think this is a good unposed picture of her.

Then we decided it was time to open presents:

Those PJ's on the right have already become your new favorite pair, even though you've only had them a couple of days. They have long cuffs that can be footies or not. You call them your "Sunglebunnies" :)

Nana was helping me by picking up the wrapping paper and helping you open your toys. She's nice, huh?

You got some more cars, too. I thought they would work with your new track, but they don't, which was a cause of much frustration last night.

Kaden sat patiently next to us and watched you open your presents. He also helped explain what things were to you, and he helped me pick up your clothes when you decided they weren't interesting enough and you wanted to throw them all around the room instead of looking at them.

He also showed you the awesome princess card he picked out just for you- it played the song "A Dream Is a Wish Your Heart Makes" when you opened it up!

You didn't quite understand how to work your new REAL camera quite yet here, but you figured it out pretty fast, and you love it!

You were pretty good about opening your presents! I was so proud of you, watching my big girl open everything on her own and not get burned out. You were pretty well-behaved, too... Except for that one snafu when you opened your Dora book- the one about sharing. As soon as I told you what it was, Kaden went to look at it (not take it away, mind you!) and you screamed "MINE!" But since it was kind of ironic and cute, we all laughed it off. Kaden was a good sport about it, too... And a minute later you decided you would share with him anyway, so all was well. :)

We all sang you Happy Birthday:

And you blew out your candles... Well, you tried. I had to help in the end. :)

Then you gobbled down more cupcakes!

Well... we all ate cupcakes. And some other snacks. Here's what the table looked like toward the end of the day:

And then we hung out, and chatted some more, and said our good byes. It really was a wonderful, fun birthday weekend. I had a blast, and I hope you did, too. I just can't get over that it's actually been that long since you were born... Where did the time go, and when did you get to be this adorable, smart little kid?

Happy, happy, HAPPY birthday, my princess. I love you with every inch of myself.