Summer Goal Setting

I have a list of things in my head that I feel I've been slacking on lately and I would really like to pick them back up... So I thought if I get them down somewhere, maybe I will be more likely to hold myself to these resolutions. I almost hate to call them "resolutions" because that word sort of has the connotation of something that you decide to do, but give up on within the week. These are NOT those kind of resolutions! ;) I have already started on some of these things, but I think I need more motivation and OOMPH behind my thoughts, so without further ado, here are my summertime goals (and beyond!):

1: Take more pictures. I don't have ANY new pictures uploaded on my facebook since last November (crazy!) and haven't taken many even if I had tried to upload them. I used to take photos of Bendy almost every day, and I would really like to get back into documenting more of our life and her growing up. I have my excuses/ reasons... Clunky camera is hard to drag around with me; batteries never charged when I need them, etc etc... But it basically comes down to, I have to COMMIT and bring it and just do it, baby! I am aiming for new pictures EVERY week. I don't want to say how many because I feel like that is setting myself up for failure, but I WILL take my camera with me to places, and I WILL document this summer!

2: I feel like this almost goes hand-in-hand with #1, but I want to keep up with the blog. At least two posts every week. I always feel like I have nothing to blog about if I don't have new pictures to share, so I think this should be easier to stick to once I have #1 down.

3: Working out... This is a running to-do list item, but I have not been getting to it as much lately as I want, and frankly, that sucks! I would really like to feel COMFORTABLE in a bathing suit (bikini? I don't want to commit to something unreachable yet, but possibly...) this summer. I want to be more fit so I can feel more comfortable in my own skin and not always be worrying about how I look! My goal for this item is 4 times per week at least with cardio, and strength training at least 2 times, but more often than that for abs.

4: Take the family camping AT LEAST once this season! We wanted to go last year and never got to it, and it's something I love... I enjoyed it a lot as a kid, it's a great, cheap, fun way to relax and spend some time together, and I know Illy will love it! So on the list it goes for this year :)

5: Visit with three friends that I haven't seen yet this year. I'm glad we have online social networking now, because if it wasn't for that, I feel like I would have lost touch with everyone! My social life has taken a nosedive since we moved to the middle of nowhere, and I definitely want to make some time to reconnect with some of my best buds :) I think a goal of 3 is reasonable, and I have some people in mind, but hopefully it will be more than that!

6: Take Bendy to the beach at least once... This is kind of an every summer goal because I grew up on the beach and love it (didn't love it so much when I lived there, but I guess that's they way things go!) but my hubby is not a big fan so we don't always make it over there. I am taking her this year even if it's just us two :)

7: Try a new food. Just because. I love food, and I like trying new things, and I want to branch out more. So there you have it.

8: Pay off a debt. Any one of the old ones on my credit report. We are trying to get closer to buying a house, and we have to do this first. Given our current situation, this one might not be achievable, but I am putting it on my list to remind me to work towards that.

9: Go hiking at least twice.

10: Visit the Farmer's Market at least twice per month... This is kind of a fun one, but also good for our health! I love the local Farmer's Market and I can't wait for it to start up again this June :)

That's it for now, but I may keep adding and updating this list as time goes on. I'd like to at least come back and cross things off, add dates, etc. once they have been achieved. Wish me luck! Summer summer, here I come! You know what they say... "It's summertimeeeee, and the livin's easy..." I can't wait to be cruising around with the music blasted and the sunroof open in the nice warm weather! We had snow here just yesterday so I'm really hoping spring is on its way for GOOD now!

~Jade

Our Life Lately- Catching Up

A couple of photos taken in November 09 (yes I am behind!) the night we were putting up our Christmas tree.

I have been horrible about updating the blog and taking photos lately. The other day, Bendy, you looked at me and you looked like such a girl... Not a baby, not a toddler, but a girl. It makes my heart ache to think that I have only taken a few random photos in the past few months, and have missed so much I could have documented about this time in your life... but I guess all I can do is try and be better about it now that it's come to my attention.

It's been difficult lately with life flying by at its usual rapid pace, and on top of that, there are a lot of changes that may be happening in our life soon and your Daddy and I have been trying to prepare for them. With thoughts of these big upcoming shifts constantly knocking around in my head, the worrying, the stress, the wondering if everything will pan out how we hope... Well, it's been taking up a lot of space in my brain and I haven't had a lot of time to focus on other things besides work, keeping the house in order, chores, shopping, and the changes. I know I am not being specific here, but these are big changes and there isn't a lot more I can say about it here until things are finalized and I am sure what's happening. I want to be sure, and ready to take the leap, before we announce what's going on.

You have been in a bit of a mood lately, it seems like maybe the proverbial "terrible twos" are starting a little bit late for you. Or maybe, I'm hoping, it will just be a SHORT phase and only last the next few months. Whatever it is, you've been a little button-pusher lately, always testing boundaries, being bossy, not wanting to share with the other kids at daycare when you bring a toy with you, yelling and interrupting and well... TESTING. You are feeling out the boundaries for what you can get away with and what you can't, what you can control and what you can't, and whether or not you can get a different answer out of one parent than the other gave you. It's certainly trying, but then you inevitably pull out all the cuteness stops and get us right back on your side with that smirky, beautiful little smile. When I was brushing your teeth the other day, I did notice you had a molar in there that was only halfway through your mouth. I thought we were past the two year molars already (yeah, I know, shiteous parenting, I maybe should know whether or not my kiddo has all her teeth yet, but really, give me a break, she's my first and I don't know exactly how many teeth kids are supposed to get! *ahem*) but I guess I was wrong. I'm wondering if perhaps the crabbiness and bossiness has something to do with the molars...

Last weekend, during a particularly frustrating shopping trip which included you running around the grocery store like a maniac (I had let you push the mini-cart to keep you occupied, which worked out great in the beginning but backfired on me towards the end when you were too tired to listen or pay attention to where you were driving the damned thing) and rolling around on the dirty floors in front of the other customers on a SATURDAY (aka one of the busiest shopping days at the grocery store), I heaved a heavy sigh. You knew you had been bratty and you immediately knew I was just tired and on my last leg that day, and you looked up at me and said "Mommy. Look me in the eyes. I'm very worried about you, and I'm very sorry." It pretty much made me melt, and made the whole day seem a little bit better. You know just the ways to cheer me up, even when you're the source of the frustration in the first place :)

Your birthday is coming up pretty soon, and I've already booked a spot at Chuck E Cheese for the party. We haven't done one of these at-a-location shindigs yet, but you had so much fun at the last few Chuck E parties you were invited to, and enjoyed it SO much, that we thought this year would be a perfect time to try it out. I've already sent out invites and we're hoping it will be an incredible time for you. You deserve it, sweet pea. Daddy and I haven't decided yet if we are going to tell you about the party being at Chuck E's or if we'll just tell you it's your birthday but let the Chuck E part be a surprise... I wish we could know what you'd like better. Funny story: when I was turning three (I think? Mom? Is that right?) I begged for weeks to have a surprise party. I don't think I really knew what it meant, just that it would be fun and all my friends would be there, and I certainly didn't realize that asking for a surprise party kind of defeats the purpose. But Cey-Cey managed to pull it off, had sent me to Bushka's house the night before and nobody had told me it was my birthday. When Bushka brought me home and I was greeted with a loud "SURPRISEEEEE!!!" at the door by my family and friends, I was terrified! I screamed and ran and hid under the stairs in the hall in our apartment complex, and it took a lot of coaxing for Cey-Cey and Pep to get me back out. I wouldn't want to freak you out like that! So we'll definitely let you know it's your birthday... But I'm thinking you might like the special surprise of Chuck E Cheese more if we wait until we get there to let you know that's how we're going to celebrate.

I have a few new(er) pictures that I have managed to take over the past few months that I keep forgetting to upload onto the computer. I am going to try and get those up here soon because god, you are growing so fast... and I really want to keep this going so you can look back someday and see how loved you were and how much we enjoyed all of our time with you. No matter what changes we go through as a family, no matter how worried/ stressed/ preoccupied we become with other things, THAT will never change. You are the light of our life and you make me smile each and every day.

Filling Daddy's Shoes!

Sometimes, you just want to be a grown-up, so you try and imitate the things we do.

It's pretty funny to watch you piece things together in your head sometimes... like- "Hmm, how can I be just like my Daddy? I know! I'll wear his SHOES!"

"I'll sit on the floor and put them on, no matter how long it takes me... You know what they say! If at first you don't succeed, try, try again..."



It's a little bit of a task to walk when your shoes are many MANY sizes too big. But you, my princess- you are nothing if not determined and headstrong.


So you just stood for a minute, thought about your next move...


Did a little stretch...


And got on with it.

I think that's a lesson you'll be able to pass on to many people in life... When faced with an obstacle, don't give up. Pause, think, reflect, stretch, then plow ahead with reckless abandon :)

Bitchiness and the "Yes"

I'm just going to out and say it.

I'm not gonna lie, I've been bitchy this past week.

I know I have. I've noticed it myself- had to hang my head in shame and tell hubby I was sorry for being mean to him for absolutely no reason. Had to check myself when I was mad at the bitty girl for whining too much, for asking for the same thing one too many times.

Normally these things don't get to me like this. Normally, it's easy to deal with, let it roll off my back, ignore the repeated question girlie asks that I've already answered twenty times, not snip when I have to pick up hubs' clothes from the floor directly NEXT to the hamper... Normally, these things are normal occurrences, and I am aware of this, and let it go. Normally.

Here is what I have learned: Too much rain + PMS + A boatload of chores to do = Me being in a funk, out of my element, foggy-headed, crampy, overwhelmed by things that are usually easy to accomplish, and sometimes downright mean. I try my best not to be like this. I hate when I am like this. When I notice myself acting like this, I don't want to be around me... So I can only imagine how my family feels!

It makes me feel guilty thinking that my daughter might someday remember me being this ONE. You know... The one who snips, who scowls. I know everyone can be like this sometimes... But it makes me feel sick when I catch myself doing it. I love them so much, why would I be mean, treat them badly simply because I am in a bad mood?

I just have to hope that all the good memories Ilyana has with me will outweigh these crabby-ass days when she looks back someday. I hope they do. I'm pretty sure they do, but then, I guess we never really know how other people see us- and how they perceive that we treat them- because we're not on the receiving end there. So all I can do is hope. And try to change my behavior...

I stumbled across a post today over at We Are THAT Family called, simply, "Yes". It sort of reminded me of that movie that just came out recently, "Yes Man"... She was talking about how her friend gave herself a personal challenge this summer to say "Yes" as much as she could, and how Kristin (the great blogger at We Are THAT Family) took the challenge on, too. I think I might have to hop on that bandwagon and try to say "yes" more.... Or at the very least, take notice of how much I am saying "Yes" vs. "No".

I mentioned in the comments there that I feel like sometimes I say no simply because I always have that to-do list running through my head, and more times than not, saying "Yes" just adds one more thing to the bottom... So it's a selfish motivation to say no, to avoid the cleanup, the mess, the "bother" of yes. What I don't take into account when I am saying no is that I'm also avoiding the fun, the learning, the enjoyment, the EXPERIENCE that could have been had I just sucked it up, given in, said yes, reveled in the moment- and yes, even later, picked it up.

I'm not great at saying yes, especially when it deviates from what I had planned, organized, thought out in my head to do already... Especially when I am crabby, especially when I am in a funk-a-dunk-dunk. But I am going to try more. I am going to take a deep breath, think things through, and try to say "Yes". Why not? What can it hurt?

I am going to try and consider how my words and actions will affect the people I love, the people around me, BEFORE I say or do them. I am going to put my daughter back in the first- most important- spot... from which she never really left, but I have been overlooking it this week in my crankiness and effort to just get things done so I could chill and wallow in my own shit.

I'm not even sure how cohesive this post is- it's sort of just an amalgam of all that was running through my mind today- frustration with myself, introspective reflection upon reading the "Yes" post, guilt that I have let this shadow creep on me and affect my peeps- especially my one, very little, very special peep. Because she never deserves that. And I want to be the "Yes" Mom, the fun one, the one who picks the right battles to fight (only the ones that truly matter), the one who makes you happy and takes away your hurts and doesn't growl or scowl or snip out of frustration when you are just being a kid. I looked at myself today for a moment and I did not like what I saw.

To this, I say- "Out, out, damned PMS!! Out, out, bad weather!!" I want my normal self back, and I'm willing to bet my hubby and daughter do, too.

I Heart Faces- Week 13- My Friend & I

The theme at I Heart Faces this week is My Friend and I.... I think this one is going to be SUPER cute! I can't wait to see all the wonderful entries...

So, for my Kids Entry this week, here's what I found, from last month:


It could be interpreted in one of two ways: she is looking at herself in the reflection, thinking there's another baby in there, her "friend"... Or you could count her Daddy, who is clinging on to her so she doesn't fall, as the other friend. I wish I had a better candidate photo, but I can't seem to find one on this computer! Drats. I still like this one, though...


For my Adult Entry this week, I chose one of Will and I in Disney back in the days before Bendy Ruggle. We were SO tired in this picture, but had just finished a fun-filled day. I seriously HEART Disney and cannot WAIT until we can finally take the Bend there!

I love playing along with this challenge... I also love that I am learning more and more about photography each week. So thanks to Amy and Angie, founders of I Heart Faces for a wonderful idea that has blossomed into a community of photogs connecting with a single purpose- to share photography of the wonderful faces in our lives!

I Heart Faces Week 9- Creative Cropping

This is my third week participating in I Heart Faces. I have really enjoyed seeing everyone's portraits so far, and trying to learn more about photography myself. If you haven't checked out their website yet, you really should. It's fabulous.


You can participate in, or see other entries, at the I Heart Faces website. Just click my little link on the site name. :)

This week's theme was Creative Cropping. To be truthful, I was a little puzzled by this category. I'm hoping I got it done, but we shall see... I just wasn't sure exactly what would be considered "creative" for this purpose. I suppose I should just let you see what I've done, and then you can tell ME if you think it's creative, or maybe what you would have done differently?

This week, they are letting us post the "before" and "after" cropping photos, so you can get a better idea of why we chose to do what we did, and also how a small thing like cropping can change the whole feel of a picture.

Here are my entries for the I HEART FACES "Creative cropping" category:

Here is the "before" picture:

And here is the "after", my entry for adults this week:

For kids, here is my "before" photo:

She has a great expression going, but my zitty face in the background and the railing are both a little bit distracting.

Here's my "after":


What do you think? I liked it, but I am a total newb, so I'm sure it's still not the best it could be. What would you have done with it to make it better?

I Heart Faces Week 8- Messy Face!

This is only my second week participating in I Heart Faces. And I have to tell you, I heart it. heh. I know, I'm so witty.

You can participate in, or see other entries, at the I Heart Faces website. Just click my little link on the site name. :)

This week, they singled out us beginners... Which in one way, I don't like- because I can only enter one photo, not one each for kids and adults, like last time. But I guess this balances out, since they asked that if you enter, you be open to constructive criticism. I would be more than grateful for any suggestions or help all you more experienced photographers could offer! Have at it... Just be nice, please :)

And now, here is my entry for the I HEART FACES Beginner week "Messy faces" category:



As mentioned above, please feel free to offer any help and/ or information on what you would have done to improve the picture. I am not great in photoshop (if you're experienced, you can probably tell!) but I did play around with this photo in there to try and punch it up a little. I desaturated the background and tried to brighten up her face some... What do you think?

Edited to add: I really should learn my lesson, trying to change font size within my posts. It always changes a ton of the post, rather than just the sentence I'm going for... And then I can't get it to revert back. DOH! Sorry the text at the top is so miniscule.

Challenge to Kick-Start My Bloggy Blues :)

I went to visit Angela over at This Woman's Beautiful Life (click it, you won't be sorry! She takes AMAZING photos. And I'm reading her book right now, which is also fantastic!) and saw that she was doing this challenge- The One Word Challenge put on by the Shutter Sisters. I wrote in my comment to her that I totally admire her ability to commit- I always want to participate in fun photo challenges like this, but then my nerves get the best of me, I start worrying mine will suck, and I flake. I hate flaking.

Angela convinced me to give this one a go. I mean, what do I really have to lose? If I don't follow through, I'm only disappointing myself in the end. And it should be fun. Really.

Here are the rules (cut & pasted from the Shutter Sisters' post):

Here's how it works:

1. Pick a word that best represents you or your focus. Your word should inspire images throughout the month of February. If a word doesn't come immediately to mind, scan Ali's extensive list of words to inspire you.

2. Once you've selected your word, share it here in the comments or blog about it in your space and leave a permalink to your post here so we can go check it out. The project begins on Sunday, February 1, but you can join the project any time after this date.

3. On February 1, begin shooting images that visually represent your word. You can shoot, tag and share your best photographs in the Shutter Sisters flickr group every day or whenever you feel moved to do so.

4. TITLE each of your One Word Project images to include your word (e.g., Hope, Love, Courage, Peace). TAG each of your images as follows: "oneword (month)" (e.g., "oneword february", "oneword march", "oneword april", etc.). Tagging is important as it's the only way we can find and enter your images in our contest.

5. Beginning February 1, check the new One Word Project page daily within this site to see if your image is featured. The first award-winning photo of the month will be chosen by the Shutter Sisters team and announced on March 1, along with the new One Word Project for March.

We've created a discussion thread in the Shutter Sisters flickr group to manage questions and answers. If you have any questions, check for the answer or post your question here.

* * *

You can find out more about the prizes, how to enter, or any other groovy details on their post.

The word I chose for the month of February is... ::::drumroll please:::: GROWTH!

So I am going to begin taking my shots on Sunday. I will not flake. I will not flake. I will not flake. This is my mantra.

::Edited to add:: I am thinking I am going to post my pictures once a week, just so that I don't tell myself I'll do it every day. Cuz let's be honest, I won't. If I just post my seven pictures for the week at the end of the week all together, that will be best. Plus, I'm thinking I might be able to also do some kind of snifty voting thing where you all could give me feedback if you wanted and vote on your favorite for the week. Yeah, that would be cool. ::end edit::

If any of you like this challenge, please play along. I would love to see what some of my other bloggy friends would come up with. Plus, then I won't feel so alone. And that would be one MORE reason for me NOT. TO. FLAKE.

Here's me right now. I'm a little bit of this:

but even more of this:


Minus the rollers, which is a good thing for all, I think. :P